The Wake

*** The actual rules, source from Chinese Culture.org ***

During the wake, the family does not wear jewelry or red clothing (red is the color of happiness). Traditionally, children and grandchildren of the deceased did not cut their hair for 49 days after the death, but this custom is now usually only observed by older generations. It is customary for blood relatives and daughters-in-law to wail and cry during mourning as a sign of respect and loyalty to the deceased. The cries are particularly loud if the deceased has left a large fortune.

*** The actual fact ***

During the wake, we did not wear jewelry or happy colors clothing like red, yellow, green and purple. Well, I don’t know who define the color of happiness or sadness. But obviously I love blue and I see happiness, freedom, peacefulness in blue, but somehow blue is not categorized under Happy group. I’m not sure if all my relatives did not cut their hair in the past 49 days but we definitely didn’t cry out loud during mourning as it was too fake. We cried genuinely and I even covered my face with my mourning cowl coz I’m not used to be seen crying.

*** The actual rules ***

At the wake, the family members of the deceased gather around the coffin positioned according to their rank in the family and special clothing is worn: Children and daughters-in-law wear black (signifying that they grieve the most); grandchildren, blue; and great grandchildren, light blue. Sons-in-law wear brighter colors, such as white, since they are considered outsiders. The children and daughters-in-law also wear a hood of sackcloth over their heads. The eldest son sits at the left shoulder of his parent and the deceased’s spouse on the right. Relatives arriving later must crawl on their knees towards the coffin.

*** The actual fact ***

Most of the rules are the facts except NOBODY actually CRAWLED on their knees towards the coffin! I guess not many people in Malaysia practice this now. Anne told me she and her family who arrived late at her great grandma’s funeral and were instructed to crawl from the main road under the hot sun into the house.

p.s. Anne was wearing shorts.

*** The actual rules ***

The length of the wake depends on the financial resources of the family, although it should be at least one day long to allow for the offering of prayers. While the coffin is in the house (or compound) a monk will chant verses from Buddhist or Taoist scriptures at night. It is believed that the souls of the dead face many obstacles and even torment and torture for the sins they have committed in life before they enter the afterlife: Prayers, chanting and rituals offered by the monks help ease the passage of the deceased’s soul into heaven.

*** The actual fact ***

The wake was 4 days 3 nights which is considered quite long in the modern day in Malaysia. My cousin who married to a Taiwanese told us the wake in Taiwan is easily 1 month long and they will place the body in own house and have the rituals every night.

There were total 5 Taoist monks in my grandpa’s funeral praying every night from 6p.m. to 10:30 p.m., accompanied by music played on the gong, flute and trumpet. We all had to pray together with the monks. Each praying takes about 30 minutes and break for 10 minutes and continue another 30 minutes of praying until completed all 4 praying of the night.

Before the sealing of the coffin, we were told to take the final look of my grandpa and had the final words to him. It was the most painful and miserable moment as it denoted the real separation. It was kinda weird that I already knew my grandpa passed away and I’ve already accepted the fact and I was completely fine for the first few days until when the coffin was about to be sealed, I burst out crying and lost control of my tears.

These are the houses, car, driver, maids and some hidden electronic devices to be burnt for my grandpa.

This is the only thing that I have no idea what they are.