Chinese Funeral Customs & Ceremony
Posted on Nov 01 in Chinese Traditionby ShelynPrint
Due to too much information to share for the whole process, I will break the process into few articles and summarize the key information here. (Click the individual link for the full version of the articles)
1. Preparation
Let’s begin with the brief idea of Chinese Traditional Funeral Arrangements:
Since cremation is traditionally uncommon, the burial of the dead is a matter taken very seriously in Chinese society. My open-minded grandpa wanted to minimize the complexity of the funeral arrangements and thus, he wanted his body to be cremated, which all his sons and daughters respected his decision.
According to Chinese belief, improper funeral arrangements can wreak ill fortune and disaster on the family of the deceased.
To a certain degree, Chinese funeral rites and burial customs are determined by the age of the deceased, cause of death, status and position in society, and marital status.
Leadership of the Funeral Arrangements
On the passing away of the father, the eldest son becomes the head of the family. If the eldest son couldn’t handle it due to some valid reasons, his second brother does not assume leadership of the family. Leadership passes to the eldest son of the eldest son or the grandson of the father. He must assume the responsibilities and duties to the ancestors on behalf of the family.
But in our case, we didn’t follow the rule exactly. The leadership was passed to the second eldest son of my grandpa due to some reasons that my eldest uncle couldn’t take over the role. On top of that, nobody would understand their own father better than anyone else in the family, not their sons nor wives. So in my family, all decisions about the funeral were made by my seven uncles. Their wives and children can provide opinion but had no final decision on that. My grandpa’s 2 daughters, my aunt and my mum, acted as adviser, but tried to minimize their involvements in the meetings to avoid any conflicts. After all, with 7 sons and 2 daughters in a family is not as simple as most of the modern families that probably have only 3 kids, the most.
Form of the Funeral Ceremony
The funeral ceremony, which traditionally lasts over 49 days, the first seven days being the most important. Prayers are said every seven days for 49 days if the family can afford it. If the family is in poor circumstances, the period may be shortened to from 3 to 7 days.
In Malaysia I don’t think we can still find any funeral ceremony that lasts over 49 days. Most of the funeral ceremony here last for only 3 days, as mentioned earlier it was too hassle and time consuming. However, my family decided to hold a 5 days ceremony with the reason 3 days is too rush and they think that a big ceremony for their beloved father worth all the hassle.
Preparation for a 5 Days Funeral Ceremony
After several meetings among all the uncles, they decided to hold the ceremony in Xiao En Centre 孝恩馆 in Cheras.
孝恩馆
The reasons for picking Xiao En Centre are:
1. Comfortable and immaculate environment.
2. Equipped with facilities like lobby lounge, showroom & florist, as well as beautiful landscaped with outdoor decks.
3. Visitors are greeted by a luxurious foyer with 24-hour customer service counter.
4. Centre’s design combines modern sensibilities & traditional concepts.
For the complete post on the preparation of Chinese Funeral, click here -> Preparation
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For Malaysian Chinese, Buddhism and Taoism have blended and can hardly be told apart. When it comes to the final rites, there will be too many different rules to follow. In order not to create any dispute by having different opinions from my uncles, their wives, my aunt and my mum, they decided to hire a Taoist priest to in charge of the funeral ceremony and everyone would just follow the rules exactly.
Taoism and Death
Taoists believe that death is not the end of life. When death occurs, it is treated as the continuation of life into another phase, the phase of the soul. That is why Taoists perform rituals for the dead. It is to guide the wandering soul to its new home. It is obligatory for the descendants to offer prayers and acts of penance for the dead. The living believe that the ancestor’s soul is always watching over them.
Taoist Priest Praying Altar
The altar is completed with 11 Gods in the pictures.
The ceremony is called Kai Guang Ming Lu or ‘prepare the path for the dead’.
Offerings to the gods are placed on the table. The Taoist priest informs the gods of the afterworld about the good deeds of the deceased and asks for forgiveness for the wrongs committed by the deceased. Amidst the sounds of cymbals, the Taoist priest chants to enable the deceased to have a smooth journey to the afterworld.
Deceased Praying Altar
On the other hand, the altar in front of my grandpa’s coffin was placed with sacred lamps, two candles, tea, rice, and water.
Two tall candles symbolize the light of the sun, moon, and both eyes of the human body.
The tea, rice and water are put in cups in front of the altar. The tea symbolizes yin, water is the energy of the yang, and rice represents the union of the yin and the yang.
A bowl of incense was kept burning for 49 days and nights even after the funeral. But of course now it has been simplified that we only burned it for 5 days. The burning of the incense represents refinement and purification of the soul, also known as the inner energies.
A white paper inscribed with the name, the date of birth and the date of death of the deceased is wedged in between silver joss papers. All the food on the table is my grandpa’s favourite food which was served by his daughters-in-law every morning.
The sacred lamp symbolizes the light of wisdom, yet it could also be referred to as the Golden Pill or Elixir of Immortality.
Mourning Clothes
Special clothing is worn:
1. Children and daughters-in-law wear Black with Sackcloth (signifying that they grieve the most)
2. Sons’ children wear Blue
3. Daughters’ children wear Light Blue
4. Sons-in-law wear White, since they are considered outsiders.
We followed exactly even though in this modern era, the mourning clothes have been simplified to white tee shirt and black pants for all mourners. You don’t usually see mourners wear sackcloth anymore in Malaysia.
All my cousins wore in blue, whereas myself and my sister wore in light blue.
A bag of grain was placed on the coffin to ensure that my grandpa always has enough to eat. After the funeral, the rice will be distributed to every near relative indicates that everyone will always have enough to eat.
For the complete post of Taoist Style Funeral, click here to read -> Taoist Style Ceremony
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3. Sympathy Flowers
Sympathy flowers express a feeling of life and beauty and offer much comfort to the family. Flowers provide a living memorial to the deceased as they bring hope to those who grieve.
So the flowers were the only thing that cheered me up during the funeral.
We were surrounded by all type of flowers. I spent most of my time taking pictures of the flowers and enjoying the creativity of the flowers arrangement.
For the complete post of Sympathy Flowers, click here to read ->Sympathy Flowers
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4. The Wake
*** The actual rules are excerpt from Chinese Culture.org ***
During the wake, the family does not wear jewelry or red clothing (red is the color of happiness). Traditionally, children and grandchildren of the deceased did not cut their hair for 49 days after the death, but this custom is now usually only observed by older generations. It is customary for blood relatives and daughters-in-law to wail and cry during mourning as a sign of respect and loyalty to the deceased. The cries are particularly loud if the deceased has left a large fortune.
*** The actual fact ***
During the wake, we did not wear jewelry or happy colors clothing like red, yellow, green and purple. Well, I don’t know who define the color of happiness or sadness. But obviously I love blue and I see happiness, freedom, peacefulness in blue, but somehow blue is not categorized under Happy group. I’m not sure if all my relatives did not cut their hair in the past 49 days but we definitely didn’t cry out loud during mourning as it was too fake. We cried genuinely and I even covered my face with my mourning cowl coz I’m not used to be seen crying.
*** The actual rules ***
At the wake, the family members of the deceased gather around the coffin positioned according to their rank in the family and special clothing is worn: Children and daughters-in-law wear black (signifying that they grieve the most); grandchildren, blue; and great grandchildren, light blue. Sons-in-law wear brighter colors, such as white, since they are considered outsiders. The children and daughters-in-law also wear a hood of sackcloth over their heads. The eldest son sits at the left shoulder of his parent and the deceased’s spouse on the right. Relatives arriving later must crawl on their knees towards the coffin.
*** The actual fact ***
Most of the rules are the facts except NOBODY actually CRAWLED on their knees towards the coffin! I guess not many people in Malaysia practice this now. My friend Anne told me she and her family who arrived late at her great grandma’s funeral and were instructed to crawl from the main road under the hot sun into the house.
p.s. Anne was wearing shorts.
For the complete post of the Wake, click here to read -> The Wake
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5. Possession
In the fourth day of the funeral, we were ready for the cremation ritual. It was a big day that’s why you can see 3 gigantic roasted pigs were laid on the table. Don’t know why Chinese hate pig so much. The pigs must sacrifice their lives for any big occasion that the Chinese have.
Taoist priests all were nicely dressed to show the respect to the ritual. The ceremony took one hour and it was the only ceremony that my grandpa’s friends and other non-immediate family members could join the praying ceremony.
My dad dressed up quite funny and toasted my grandpa by pouring the liqueur in the bowl.
All guests took turn to pray and toast my grandpa.
We were then told to march around the coffin while scattering the praying papers all over the floor.
Actually we were all struggling to pull the hearse.
Under the hot sun, with the hood to add more heat to our heads, and no shoes.
For the complete post of the Procession, click here to read -> Procession
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6. Cremation
After the procession, the buses took us to the cremation center.
Before cremation, all the guests were served with roast pigs and food for lunch.
After lunch, we prayed again before the cremation.
We burnt the paper bridge so that my grandpa would cross the bridge smoothly into the spiritual world.
After the cremation, we went back to my uncle’s house for a short rest while waiting for the body to be completely cremated.
All my little cousins are damn tired after a whole day ceremony.
2 hours later, we went back to the crematorium to collect the ashes.
Many people mistaken that after the body was cremated, it turns to ashes. But in actual fact it turns to the pieces of bones.
Then only the worker crushed the bones into ashes.
Chinese cemeteries are generally located on hillsides since this is thought to improve Fengshui (geomantic omen). The higher a grave is located, the better.
After the final praying ceremony, the journey ended here.
May my grandpa rest in peace.
The Message
With our country developing quickly and becoming prosperous day by day, people in our capital, Kuala Lumpur, tend to forget about the roots of their traditions. Culture is represented through art, literature, attire, customs, and traditions of a community. The funeral is one thin sliver of a culture. The cultural values of our community give us an identity of our own. Our community gains a character and a personality of its own because of the culture of our people. Despite the rapid development of our society that reflects a lot of western values and our improving lifestyles over the years, there is no excuse for us to neglect our cultures, to forget our roots.
Our capital of Malaysia, Kuala Lumpur, is not just a representation of the thriving and prosperous of our country, but also symbolizes the uniqueness of our Malaysian cultures.
This entry was posted on Sunday, November 1st, 2009 at 12:37 am, by Shelyn, and is filed under Chinese Tradition. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. Print This!
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fufu: wow nice little town...very quite.... ops wild mus...
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ian: I see your point. Don't let other hindrances, say ...
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